I Think Your Tattoos Are Stupid…

Tattoos. They are the cause of much debate. Some girls like them, some girls hate them, but we all have opinions. There are certain tattoos, that are undeniably a bad idea, yet someone somewhere has decided that they would like it PERMANENTLY SCARRED onto their body.

I asked a group of ladies to discuss the tattoo issue. Here is what we came up with:

Tattoos are permanent. Even though they are not as permanent as they once were, they have the aura of permanence. What I see when I look at someone’s tattoos is, this is something you wanted on your body forever, and that says A LOT about who you are as a person. So think about that the next time you decide to make a long-term decision. Don’t get a tattoo just because you want a tattoo. It should mean something to you, something that will be just as important to you in 20 years as it is now.

Just because you really like something today: a girl, a band, a cartoon character, a sports team; does not mean you will still like that thing in ten years. Think back on what you were really into ten years ago. Is that still your favorite girl, band, cartoon character, or sports team? It is certainly possible. But girls dump you, bands break up or start making crummy albums, cartoon characters get played out, and sports teams move and/or start to suck. Things are always changing, but tattoos, tattoos are forever.

Did you have a super sweet nickname in either high school or college? Do people still call you that in your adult life? Did people ever really call you that or did you just want them to call you that? Also, if that really is your nickname, do you really need it written on your body? Why? So you don’t forget it? So the next time some girl sees you without your shirt on, she knows what a lame nickname you had? Don’t tattoo your name on your body. Or anyone’s name. Unless you can promise me, without a doubt, you will always love that person as much as you do right now. Always.

Ever think about getting a tattoo because you think it would be funny? You know how some people tell the same joke over and over again and then it ceases to be even remotely amusing? How about every single day for the rest of your life, will it still be a good joke then? My guess is probably not. Most things are not always going to be funny. And I doubt your brilliant and hilarious idea is really all that clever. Sober up and think about it for a while. Like six months to a year.

Another terrible idea is any sort of fad tattoo. Current phrases. How sick are you of YOLO? Remember when mustaches were cool before, and then super lame for about 30 years? If there is typically a hashtag in front of the phrase, I can guarantee you that you are going to look like an idiot in ten years.

Anything offensive is horrible. No woman wants to see a naked woman tattooed on your body. This was actually the number one tattoo that most women I spoke to complained about. I know that I once had a huge crush on this guy, then saw the naked woman tattooed on his arm and was immediately over it. Outside of this conversation, I never even think about the guy. So disappointing. Anything that could constitute as pornographic is a no go. Dirty jokes, anything remotely racist, sexist, or homophobic is a bad idea. Also, why? Do you want people to know that you are a misogynistic bigot? Is that the image you want to put out there? Granted, it would be nice if we could all see who you were. In the same way that anyone accused of being a pirate was branded in the 18th century by the East India Trading Company, so everyone could see that man and know that he was a pirate. This way we could see you and know that you suck. So maybe, I take that back…

I strongly recommend avoiding any kind of cliché. Tribal tattoos, barbed wire, etc. Do these things mean something to you? Are you or were you ever a member of a tribe? Were you ever bound with barbed wire? If the answer to either question is yes, then by all means. If not, find your own identity. It doesn’t look as cool as you think it does.

We all know a tattoo of a photograph is ALWAYS a terrible idea, right. This, I believe, is common knowledge. Yes? Good. Never get a tattoo of a photograph. It will never look right.

ALWAYS, ALL WAYS SPELLCHECK. If you are getting something written in another language, you absolutely have to do your research. If they are using a different alphabet, that goes double. Chinese characters are insanely complicated, a tiny line can change a word drastically.

You also need to seriously consider placement. Even if you think you will never work a job where you cannot have visible tattoos, you should always be able to cover them up with basic clothing items. If you cannot where a suit without your tattoos showing, that is seriously limiting. And with the job market being what it is, you may want to reconsider your life choices.

Placement is important even inside the can hide it with clothing areas. There are connotations to the various places you might tattoo yourself. Certain places may be considered by some a little too feminine like your lower back, hip bones, or the more delicate parts of your ankle. Some are a little too bold like anything that is covered by a bathing suit.

Tattoos that are a good idea:

Something in the memory of a beloved family member. Tasteful. Something that person would not think was stupid. You can love your family. That love is permanent. I think this is always a good idea.

Something to commemorate a MAJOR accomplishment in life. Did you climb Everest? Beat cancer? Graduate from a particularly difficult program? Or whatever other major challenge you have beaten. This is worth celebrating. If you want to decorate you body with your major life accomplishments, please, go right ahead.

Something you are really and truly passionate about. And will be for a very long time.

Obviously, not all women feel the same way about tattoos as the next. This is all a generalization of what a certain number of ladies that I have discussed the subject with have had to say. Some women will see certain things tattooed on your body and take it as a red flag and run. Some will not judge you for your mistakes or bad taste.  It may greatly depend on you and how much she likes you, but these are certainly things you may want to take into consideration before you start marking yourself up in any sort of permanent way.

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