I Wish You Would Not Wear That…

There are no cut and dry rules when it comes to fashion. Everyone is entitled to their own style. However, there are certainly some choices that may be saying more about you than you realize. We live in a world where people will judge you based on the clothes you wear. My entire career is based in this fact. There are clothes you should and should not wear to interviews, to auditions, to Christmas dinner with your girlfriend’s family. You clothes may be saying more about yourself than you realize. And here are some things we would like you to avoid:

Once you officially enter adulthood, whatever that means to you, it is probably a good idea to reevaluate your wardrobe. I can pinpoint the time in my life where I stopped wearing sweats on a daily basis and started establishing what would become my style. That transition took place somewhere between my senior year of college and my first year of “real life.” This also means it is time to stop shopping at clothing stores geared toward teens. For example, I do not shop at Forever 21 anymore, because 21 came and went years ago and there merchandise is not suitable for adults. For men, this may include Abercrombie, Hollister, Pac Sun, and other such stores. If it is a brand you sought out in high school, it is probably time to move on (unless you were wearing Tom Ford in high school, and then please, carry on). P.S. the whole “Affliction” thing was over before it began. If you are still wearing these t-shirts, please burn them immediately, they were NEVER ok.

Another thing that needs to happen once you consider yourself an adult, wear clothing that fits you. If you have to walk like the Penguin from Batman Returns to keep your pants from falling off entirely, you should find better fitting pants. If I can see your underwear, you should find better fitting pants. If you pants are so tight, they no longer leave anything to the imagination, you should find better fitting pants. Bike shorts, running leggings, yoga pants. These things are fine if you are currently riding a bike, running, or doing yoga. These things are not acceptable for meeting someone for lunch.

You should also take colors and bold patterns into consideration. There are some guys who can pulls off colors that you cannot. And that is ok. Same with bright or bold patterns. This is all determined by your own coloring and personality. I cannot wear orange. It makes me look like I am from the Jersey Shore. A friend of mine refuses to wear yellow because she is blonde and believes it makes her look like a banana. Certain colors will clash with your skin tone and should be avoided. My hard and fast rule for bold clothing choices: Your clothes should only be as loud as your personality.

I have a personal vendetta against men in tank tops. If is is 90 degrees or higher and you are going to be outside, I can forgive you for this, but I cannot forgive the sleeveless t-shirts. If it looks like you Hulked-out and ripped the sleeves off of a t-shirt, I am so not ok with that. If you want to look like a super hero that’s cool, but the Hulk is a poor choice. Try a super-hero t-shirt with the sleeves still intact. Try wearing something that Bruce Wayne would wear (which was Armani is the Christopher Nolan series). And I don”t care how hot it is. Jean shorts are never an option.

Shoes. First off, your shoes should not be the most eye-catching part of your outfit. People’s attention will go where their eye lead them. Your feet is a poor choice. Another thing that many men still have not seemed to grasp is that if you wearing black shoes, wear a black belt. If you are wearing brown shoes, wear a brown belt. If you are wearing black shoes and a brown belt, or brown shoes with a black belt, you look like a fool. Also, men should not wear flip-flops. You just shouldn’t. Here is Emma Watson stating how she hates that American men wear flip-flops.

Let talk about the things that make you look like a creeper. Mustaches with no beard. Mutton chops (are you in a play?). Mullets. When in college, you are welcome to try stupid things with your facial hair. I get it, you’ve never been able to grow facial hair before and it would be hilarious if you had old school mutton chops. By senior year, it is time to get serious. If people are crossing to the other side of the street to avoid you, it is time to reevaluate your facial hair situation. They probably think you are the guy from the flyer the Neighborhood Watch handed out last week. Too much jewelry has this same effect. Chose wisely. Wedding rings are always acceptable (unless you are hitting on someone other than your wife) but any other ring is questionable. Watches are good, but keep a close eye on your bracelet choices. Necklaces are not cool. I’m down with the Catholic Saint necklaces or something that is truly meaningful, as long as it is tasteful and mostly unseen. Gold chains circa 1977, make you look like a creep. Less is definitely more on the jewelry intake.

Lastly, don’t try to hard. This may sound like the opposite of what I have been trying to get across, but if you care too much, that is also a huge turn-off. It should not take you longer to get ready than it does me. You should not look like you tried harder than I did. Your hair should not have so much product that I cannot run my fingers through it easily and without needing to wash my hands immediately after. You should not be any more tan that the amount of sun your skin has seen will allow. Your teeth should not be so white they glow in black light (I’m talking to you, Ross Geller).

Is there anything I missed?

I Think Your Tattoos Are Stupid…

Tattoos. They are the cause of much debate. Some girls like them, some girls hate them, but we all have opinions. There are certain tattoos, that are undeniably a bad idea, yet someone somewhere has decided that they would like it PERMANENTLY SCARRED onto their body.

I asked a group of ladies to discuss the tattoo issue. Here is what we came up with:

Tattoos are permanent. Even though they are not as permanent as they once were, they have the aura of permanence. What I see when I look at someone’s tattoos is, this is something you wanted on your body forever, and that says A LOT about who you are as a person. So think about that the next time you decide to make a long-term decision. Don’t get a tattoo just because you want a tattoo. It should mean something to you, something that will be just as important to you in 20 years as it is now.

Just because you really like something today: a girl, a band, a cartoon character, a sports team; does not mean you will still like that thing in ten years. Think back on what you were really into ten years ago. Is that still your favorite girl, band, cartoon character, or sports team? It is certainly possible. But girls dump you, bands break up or start making crummy albums, cartoon characters get played out, and sports teams move and/or start to suck. Things are always changing, but tattoos, tattoos are forever.

Did you have a super sweet nickname in either high school or college? Do people still call you that in your adult life? Did people ever really call you that or did you just want them to call you that? Also, if that really is your nickname, do you really need it written on your body? Why? So you don’t forget it? So the next time some girl sees you without your shirt on, she knows what a lame nickname you had? Don’t tattoo your name on your body. Or anyone’s name. Unless you can promise me, without a doubt, you will always love that person as much as you do right now. Always.

Ever think about getting a tattoo because you think it would be funny? You know how some people tell the same joke over and over again and then it ceases to be even remotely amusing? How about every single day for the rest of your life, will it still be a good joke then? My guess is probably not. Most things are not always going to be funny. And I doubt your brilliant and hilarious idea is really all that clever. Sober up and think about it for a while. Like six months to a year.

Another terrible idea is any sort of fad tattoo. Current phrases. How sick are you of YOLO? Remember when mustaches were cool before, and then super lame for about 30 years? If there is typically a hashtag in front of the phrase, I can guarantee you that you are going to look like an idiot in ten years.

Anything offensive is horrible. No woman wants to see a naked woman tattooed on your body. This was actually the number one tattoo that most women I spoke to complained about. I know that I once had a huge crush on this guy, then saw the naked woman tattooed on his arm and was immediately over it. Outside of this conversation, I never even think about the guy. So disappointing. Anything that could constitute as pornographic is a no go. Dirty jokes, anything remotely racist, sexist, or homophobic is a bad idea. Also, why? Do you want people to know that you are a misogynistic bigot? Is that the image you want to put out there? Granted, it would be nice if we could all see who you were. In the same way that anyone accused of being a pirate was branded in the 18th century by the East India Trading Company, so everyone could see that man and know that he was a pirate. This way we could see you and know that you suck. So maybe, I take that back…

I strongly recommend avoiding any kind of cliché. Tribal tattoos, barbed wire, etc. Do these things mean something to you? Are you or were you ever a member of a tribe? Were you ever bound with barbed wire? If the answer to either question is yes, then by all means. If not, find your own identity. It doesn’t look as cool as you think it does.

We all know a tattoo of a photograph is ALWAYS a terrible idea, right. This, I believe, is common knowledge. Yes? Good. Never get a tattoo of a photograph. It will never look right.

ALWAYS, ALL WAYS SPELLCHECK. If you are getting something written in another language, you absolutely have to do your research. If they are using a different alphabet, that goes double. Chinese characters are insanely complicated, a tiny line can change a word drastically.

You also need to seriously consider placement. Even if you think you will never work a job where you cannot have visible tattoos, you should always be able to cover them up with basic clothing items. If you cannot where a suit without your tattoos showing, that is seriously limiting. And with the job market being what it is, you may want to reconsider your life choices.

Placement is important even inside the can hide it with clothing areas. There are connotations to the various places you might tattoo yourself. Certain places may be considered by some a little too feminine like your lower back, hip bones, or the more delicate parts of your ankle. Some are a little too bold like anything that is covered by a bathing suit.

Tattoos that are a good idea:

Something in the memory of a beloved family member. Tasteful. Something that person would not think was stupid. You can love your family. That love is permanent. I think this is always a good idea.

Something to commemorate a MAJOR accomplishment in life. Did you climb Everest? Beat cancer? Graduate from a particularly difficult program? Or whatever other major challenge you have beaten. This is worth celebrating. If you want to decorate you body with your major life accomplishments, please, go right ahead.

Something you are really and truly passionate about. And will be for a very long time.

Obviously, not all women feel the same way about tattoos as the next. This is all a generalization of what a certain number of ladies that I have discussed the subject with have had to say. Some women will see certain things tattooed on your body and take it as a red flag and run. Some will not judge you for your mistakes or bad taste.  It may greatly depend on you and how much she likes you, but these are certainly things you may want to take into consideration before you start marking yourself up in any sort of permanent way.